Monday, February 18, 2008

The infinity


Mr. Margaret had another heart attack .This was the fourth one this year. The tension had been increasing in the past few months. There business was spread world wide, so the work was increasing at a fast pace. The esteem they had been enjoying was asking a price, a price which was not more than their lives.

Dr. Andrew had been called, their family doctor.

“Mr. Margaret, I feel you should take a holiday for two of you, rather three of you. This business is asking you to pay a big deal of yourself.”

“But what about the business?”

“It would go, even without you, but you need a holiday right at the moment”.

Mr. and Mrs. Margaret together with their daughter Carol, were then off to a land which was away from society, to a lone island which was inhabited by not more than five hundred people. The people there had their own lives, lives untouched by external factors.

They were given a place at a cottage, owned by Raghawendra who lived there with his only son. He had lost his wife in a flood earlier. After that his son was his world. They lived alone, alone in the heavenly abode. Spiritualism, meditation was there life. Some visitors helped earn a living for two of them, this time it was Carol with her parents.

Carol was the only heir to the business empire Margarets had… she was as cute as anyone could be, big brown eyes, chocolate brown skin., a beautiful face, slender legs, full grown bosom, and a lovely heart, a smile which could fill anyone’s heart with joy…. this was Carol, untouched by the status Margarets enjoyed.

“hi” .

“hi, am Carol”.

“Raju”(this was raghwendra’s son).

“Friends?”

And he gave a positive node.

Two of them enjoyed a good company together, she was 16 and Raju 17, Raju would teach her to meditate and Carol taught him to speak English.

Two of them walked on the shores, played together, they enjoyed being with each other.

…………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………….

The sun had set, it was getting darker and the only noise to be heard was from the waves touching the shore and then receding back. They created a cadence of flowing water.

Carol sat in front of Raju in aalti-palti(cross-legs) in a tight fitting black swim suit that showed her curves clearly and she was trying to mediate.

“Raju,I cannot”

“Why can’t you?”

“Try again”

“When ever I close my eyes, I imagine everything other than what you ask me to. The more you ask me to put my thoughts aside, this earthly world returns all the more”.

“Just close your eyes and Relax! Don’t make any conscious effort; it would all happen on its own.”

“I’ll try again”

……………………………….

“No!”

“Hey, hold my hand and concentrate on what I say!”

“Ok”

“Can you see a rose?

“Yes”

“A beautiful white rose…………. there are tiny droplets on it….sparkling, blooming flower”.

“Yes”

“Now just try and concentrate on your eyebrow centre….relax, just leave yourself……… free yourself of every thought”

“Hey Raju, I did it”

She opened her eyes; bend down and her lips touched Raju’s.

He moved back.

“Hey Carol, what are you doing?”

“Hey, I could do this all coz of you”

“Was that necessary?

She gave a smile, got up and hurried towards the cottage.

……………………………………………………………………………

Raju sat back, just thinking what had happened in the last few minutes… The firanggi family’s daughter, did she mean what she did…if anyone would have seen it, was she in love with him?

“No, no this could not be possible. She is a princess to an empire and what about me?

What am I?

I earn my living, fishing…spend my time with strangers…I wanted a spiritual life for myself??? Is she drifting me?

But why did she?”

Rajuu…Rajuuuuu(This was Raghwendra)

“Haa baba(yes, dad)”.

“Come here, its time for dinner, help me out.”

“Aata hu”(coming).”

Should I tell what Carol did to me?

No-no…he would kill me for it!”

…………………………………………………………………………….

Raju couldn’t sleep the whole night, thoughts about Carol clashed his mind, her way of talking, her smile…. how gracefully did she carry herself, there was not the slightest amount of egoism in her,

He stayed awake... staring at the sky, lying there on the terrace …thinking about the last few days he had spent with her...

Will even she leave like all other tourists, or she’ll be a friend, or more than that???

…………………………………………………………………………….

He somehow managed removing all thoughts from his mind, and he promised himself, tomorrow would be new …he’ll live every moment which has been left for her stay with Carol. He’ll make every moment memorable.

The next morning they were on the beaches again…….playing, running after one another…….. They took a ride on the shikhara(houseboat) which Raghwendra owned, whole day both of them enjoyed on the boat…..they rowed the boat till they were in the middle of the sea, all alone!

He took her soft hands in his, and he kissed them…

“Raju”

She came closer.

But he receded back!

She had seen men, but had never met such a man in his life….yes, she loved him.

But today she wanted to respect him...

“Hey, what are you thinking? I am sorry, if I did something wrong!”

“yahiii ki you are a sweetheart.”

“wo kya hota hai? You didn’t teach me this.”

“It means Raju,is….

“Raju is what”

“Raju is very good”

“Really”

“Yaa”

“Its getting dark, how about returning back”.

And they took the boat back to the small cottage, near the shore.

Both of them returned back with there hands in eachothers…

Carol was in a two-piece bikini, and Raju in some white cloth wrapped in a way Margaret’s found funny….they certainly did not like their daughter’s new friend, but there were no options. There were not many people around, and Mr. Margaret was recovering…. Soon they would be off to their home and their daughter would forget the dehattii with whom she was spending so much time.

“Time for tea, Carol”

“Thank you Mr.Raghwendra”

“Oops, dad…I think we forgot to shut down the windows of the houseboat, its open and it has started raining. I’ll be back in few minutes”.

“Be careful dear”

Even Carol insisted to go with Raju and two of them went together...

Suddenly, it started raining heavily…… the radio broadcasts asked the fishermen not to go near the sea. The rainfall level was increasing and a flood was feared...

Mr.Raghwendra, Margarets were all afraid, but they could do nothing except waiting....wait for the rain to stop pouring so much!

On the other end were Carol and Raju, unaware of what was happening outside...for them it was just another rain……… They were fully drenched in water, while coming to the shikara, they were closing the windows, when suddenly Carol slipped into his arms…

And they finally kissed each other.

…………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………

The water level kept on increasing as if it would never stop, everyone was worried, the whole night both of them didn’t turn up……………..

By morning, the sea became calm.

From far away someone could be seen coming closer. It was Raju with Carol in his arms. She lay still, in a kind of sleep...everyone was frightened, she looked so young and unharmed …….. they ran closer only to discover that she’ll never move again!

Raju laid her down, where she lay flat, with her heart having stopped beating, calm and still.

Margarets could not stand the blow of loosing there only daughter, in a foreign land, that too in such circumstances.

“I wish to leave this land as soon as possible; I don’t want to be here, even for a moment”.

“Be practical dear, we cannot take Carol with us, we’ll have to cremate her here only”

“No, I can not leave my daughter out here, and that too on this land”

“See honey, our journey, would take weeks; we can not keep Carol’s body with us for so long, there would be trouble”.

“I don’t know anything, not here please!”

So they hired a boat, to cross the sea, back to their land. And when they were right in the middle of the sea…the same place Carol had been with Raju, they drowned her there.

…………………………………………………………………………….

……………………………………………………………………………..

Here Raju was missing, Raghwendra had been searching him since the moment he left Carol’s body and disappeared...

And when he could spot him, he was in Samadhi on top of a cliff, meditating.

He called him…but Raju ran away…ran away to the shores….he didn’t seem to hear him, her Carol was calling him. He went closer to the sea...the water filled his nostrils, filled his stomach …… and closer till the waves engulfed him and he could not breathe anymore.

He had met her Carol again.

They gave each other a smile of surprised delight as if they had rediscovered each other. They looked deep into each other’s eyes, moved by admiration and tenderness and they kissed impulsively, with warmth that communicated itself from their mind to their bodies…

They were in love today, they were one for infinity.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Its weird how you go from being strangers to being friends to being more than friends to being practically strangers again…and it all happens so FAST!


When a man returns from work, he expects his wife, his girlfriend (though this does not happen often in India) to be waiting for her. Someone from whom he can draw his strength..At times physical closeness, or moral well being. Someone who soothes him, someone who helps him give off all his tensions, worries which took him over the day. He may have had a bad day; sometimes peer pressure...at times from boss…the female understands and gives himself off all for him, all for someone whom she considers vital to her being.
Even she works, even she faces all this when she’s back from office but then she has to take care of the family. rush to the kitchen, at times not being able even to change, forgetting how much her head has been aching, just coz someone is waiting for a tea. ……………………………………………………………………………
………………………………………………………………….

Riya was returning back from her workplace, it was 9’o clock at night.
She had a meeting with some foreign delegates that couldn’t have been avoided. So, she was off schedule. Many men in her office had eyes on her, they wanted to help her out, but she was always smart enough to keep them off. She preferred staying independent enough. This was what Rajiv has always wanted. He was always afraid if the world could take her girl’s advantage when he wasn’t along with her. And she was carrying his wishes with utmost care .
She was on the highway, there was no one except the trucks moving at hundred kilometers per hour, more than the trucks, she feared the darkness……
It was around a year back,
She had to go for her first interview, the same place the same highway…
She never completed any exam in her life without hearing him, be it her semesters, or any exam…he was her lucky charm…a voice that gave solace to her...Someone who made her feel beautiful, who unknowingly was honing her skills…who made her feel confident about herself…she had called him before going for the interview…
She was nervous, as she was always before any exam.
This had to be a big day!
She was going for her first job.

Tring, tring!
“Hello”
“Hello…hi, was just waiting for your call, couldn’t have moved without it”
“I know! how could even I have missed it, today?”
“Riya, should I say something”
“Rajiv, you didn’t ask that even when you proposed me…what makes you do that today? Go ahead”
“Riya get a job for my family.”
“Didn’t get you?”
“Hey my family needs to have two jobs. So one is mine and the other yours…so am just asking you to get the other one for us”

This was Rajiv !
Fascinating, intriguing, surprising Riya , in her own ways.
He somehow made her believe in herself, somehow making her feel she had a backing…somewhere she could fall back to!
That very day, Riya was short listed and had her interview…and she was through….Yup, she had bought the job for them, in his words…rather for herself.
Rajiv had been trying to call her, all through the day…but she was out of reach, even Riya was so busy in the process that she finally called him around 9:30,when she had completed .She was driving back when suddenly she saw a hand waving to her. It was none other but Rajiv. He was sitting right on top of the crossroads just next to the work place(the place which was some time before an office, now changed the meaning for her)…
She stopped suddenly…

“Rajiv….you…here..like this…”
“hmmm”
“..I mean its quarter to 11….how come??……it’s such a nice surprise.”

His hands were on her lips.

“hey..kitna bol rahee hai!
Come here”.

And Riya was in his arms, right in the middle of the road…and there was noone around, at this point of time, just two of them.”
“Jaan, how does it feel?”
“Great…. but we are on road, I don’t believe you are here??”
“Yup...how could have I let you go alone, at this point of time?”

They moved apart….she had tears in her eyes….tears of happiness, tears of belonging to someone, like him.
……………………………………………………………………………..
…………………………………………….

But today things were different. She had not heard from Rajiv from past one week. She could not have stayed without him even for a day, but this time there was something wrong, shivers ran down her spine.
She felt alone, just thought if she could call him now.
It was 11:30, and she was alone on the road...
Suddenly she remembered what Rajiv had been to her the previous week….he didn’t want to hear her…he banged the phone down. Don’t know what went wrong, why was he behaving like this…don’t know what he was going through...What made him behave like this all of a sudden.
This was the same man who ran after her some time back, who was concerned, worried about her, but today he has taken over her, seduced her …now she could be taken for granted! Now she’s not more than a slave to her. He can throw her, tamper her, insult her, hurt her…but she’ll not leave him…she may try to repel ,she may try to raise a voice, but it won’t be heard ,anywhere …in this man’s world…she’ll have to remain mum at times for her family, her children…or at times to save her own sanctity from the society….just praying that he never opens up the secret to this cruel world…the world which will throw her off, the society which would spit on her. Not coz she loved him dearly, but coz she gave herself to a man before the societal norms allowed her to.
Yup, she’s alive today, but just an alive corpse….she behaves the way she’s asked to, she does whatever she should. Follows his brothers, father, and family…whatever they say.....somewhere in the heart she knows she did hurt them once, unknowingly…in a way she would have to pay off, pay off against her own desires ….may be for the whole life!
……………………………………………………………………………..
………………………………………………………………………

….and she decided to move alone.
Today she was fighting herself…the enemy was her own self, who longed for him…. But the conscious denied it!
She was fighting against and fighting for her love.

Same Rajiv without whom she couldn’t have lived without,
Today when he comes across, she hides somewhere. she changes her ways, walks back to the way she came from…just in a fear, that he does not take away from her, whatever has been left with her..

Friday, January 4, 2008

The long dark road


7:30 pm

It’s a winter evening. People prefer going back home early getting in blankets eating bhajiwada having tea, coffee with their families before it gets darker and colder.

I am walking back home from a coaching.

Didn’t have my vehicle today, nor could I find a face familiar enough to help me out. So, I preferred walking!

Walking has always been a preference it gave me a reason to loose pounds and somehow ensuring the pain I am taking is going to pay back. The distance I am supposed to walk is not longer, around four kms. But the time the watch is showing, the dark roads, no street lights, seem to make it longer!

There are people around me, but few in number. Every hundred steps I see a passer by. Rests are people on their bikes, and cars. All I can see are men at panwalas standing in groups on road side smoking and eating something. All I can see is darkness, but theirs enough light to walk past from moving vehicles and cars. Though I am a modern girl to say but I don’t dare to lift my face. I am somehow managing just moving my legs, bringing my destination closer with each step, but my footsteps seems to be smaller in front of the distance I am supposed to walk.

Suddenly a person on a dilapidated bicycle turns his head back at 180 degrees,

“Jaaneman akelee ho?? (Sweetheart alone?)”

“…” (Then he makes a comment I could not make out.)

I don’t respond.

He passes by.

(Something peculiar I have found in the opposite sex, they won’t call their own wife’s sweetheart, but would certainly mange this on roads!)

I am a bit disturbed for few seconds then I continue walking.

Its quarter to 8 now.

The ogling continues, with me being able to see just “men” around at this point of time.

But as a relief there are no more comments!

Every person passing by turns back, as if theirs something peculiar to my being.

I look at myself, if theirs something wrong with me, but the efforts ends in fail.

I hurry up, walking straight.

Somewhere may be in the minutest amounts is a fear.

A fear of some evil cropping, fear of something bad coming up.

I somehow manage keeping all my thoughts away.

I keep my head high, make sure I am alert and I assure myself am a big girl.

There’s nothing wrong which will happen…. No one can inflict any harm to me ……..No one can touch me.

And I hurry up till I see lights from a distance.

Light coming from lots and lots of small fluorescent tubes.

There is a market ahead.

I see some creatures of the same gender I belong to,

And the tension easies, lines on my forehead become a bit lighter and a feeling of security fills up!

………………………………………………………………………….

…………………………………………………………………

The situation may seem familiar to the weaker sex, they might have experienced it.

And even to the stronger sex, who would have played pranks, just for fun. I have tried to throw light upon the mental state a female goes through in such incidences. If you have something to say, you have something to share or you disagree, please shoot up!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

changes!

some people change ur life so much
that u can't live nemore without them..
or they changes you in such a way that there is no returning back..

u loose urself
sometimes in love
at times in hatred

ur own self is changed!
someone could change a stone to a good human or at times
bringing life to a standstill....
At this point,
preserving own identity would be the best thing to do.
....coz noone could play ur part better than urself!!

but what if u have lost urself in the process and become someone's alter ego,
not making any conscious effort,
but not being able to help too....

just in a process of learning,
not trying to imitate anyone
but this is certainly not my former self....

tried to keep life in "my hands"
but i forgot
Am "human"!

Death!

a bubbly ,chirpy,18 yr old...

sparkling eyes...

a fantasy world...

awaiting joys and expectations..

she's the princess,

and there is a prince for her...

she wants to rise high,

fly above the sky!

everyday she wakes up with a new dream......

and then suddenly,

some day,

at some moment,

LIFE decides to end!!!

she had just learnt the meaning of life..

she had just understood the world...

she had just moved out of the four walls...

she had just understood LOVE,

she had DREAMS to fulfill,

Her eyes had so much to them,but suddenly everything comes to a standstill...

who decides our FATE???

just some day,

at some moment,

LIFE decides to end.......

A slap on life's face!
LIFE is living(i was taught this only),

but doesn't life signify DEATH???

death,question mark in itself..

what is DEATH?

what it brings next?

who amongst us know death....

NONE!!!!

but still we fear,

still we LIVE,and still life goes on...

to hope is to risk pain,

to try is to risk failure,

but risk must be taken coz the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing!!

DEATH won't concern us,coz as long as we are here,it's not around,

and when it would come,We won't be here...